butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
