Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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