that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
