...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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