im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
