They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
