the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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