I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
