Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We are two peas in an std pod
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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