so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
