I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
