I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Who died my cat blue again?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
