We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
