New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
