my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
