Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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