If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
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Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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