he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
