I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
