i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
porn star boner night. come get it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
