I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
