Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
