Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
