And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
