Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
