I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
