I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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