so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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