He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
