my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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