I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
