Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
