our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize