never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
