Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i drank out of a bidet.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
