we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
