I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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