i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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