I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
