Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
