But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
