dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
