She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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