The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
