in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
