My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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