if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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