The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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