I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
