if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
