just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
