I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
