There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
