Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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