SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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