They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it's like heaven, but drunker
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
