I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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