whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
