Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
