That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
