took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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