meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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