what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
