you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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