I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
