literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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