my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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