We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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