Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
