wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
