we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
