New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
