I just pynch a tree in the face
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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