She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
