i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
