just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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