nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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