Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
