Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
