mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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