I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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