I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
