did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you would pick up someone in the library
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
