I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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