I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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